another moral hangover. fuck.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
