So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need a beard to bite.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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