I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
