Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
