I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
