we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
