What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
