I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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