drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
