"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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