He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
