btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
