I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sponge bath it is.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
