A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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