There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
