Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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