They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
