fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
