this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
