Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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