My cat gives me a boner
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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