i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
