i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
