Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
