hotel room ftw
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
