Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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