You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
