I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
