I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
