So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
