I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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