oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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