I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
4 words: hood of his car
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
