Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
