I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
