So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
