final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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