we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
