She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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