Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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