I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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