Say something about gay babies.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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