why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
