I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
