anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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