Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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