Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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