i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
