Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he laminated a picture of his dick.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
