i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
