Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
