I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
