i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
