I like my sex mixed with concussions.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
